The Bodacious Belgrade Blog

September 6, 2008

Single Moms

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 2:06 pm
Tags: , ,

I have come to the conclusion that in this world the most hard core of the hard core is the single mom. And i haven’t even seen child raising yet. Hell, my baby is still firmly tucked away in my wife’s tummy. This is just pregnancy we’re talking.

Any woman who, willingly or unwillingly, undergoes pregnancy alone has my profound respect.

Up until 2 weeks ago we had a functioning household. Maja dealt with the burden of being pregnant and i dealt with everything outside her belly. But now i’m down for the count, and she’s a goin’ it alone, and it has made us both rather impressed by all the women out there who do it. (talk to me in 8 months after dealing with actually taking care of a real live baby and i’ll pretty much be going up to single mothers on the street and kissing their feet…)

Which makes me think especially of my birth mother.

She found herself unexpectedly pregnant. The father, her boyfriend at the time, turned out be (surprise!) married with one of his own and bailed astonishingly quickly. (funny how that happens sometimes…One minute you have a boyfriend the next he’s married and never wants to hear from you again.)

So now she’s stuck. And she doesn’t even want a baby, never did, and was told she couldn’t ever get pregnant  in the first place so she had long ago figured it was a non issue.

Confused, a little shell shocked.. hell i don’t know. But some friends took her down to Mexico for week’s “holiday”, with the undercurrent being, this is time and place to have an abortion. (back then this where you went to have an abortion) So she went down, but over the course of the week decided she just couldn’t do it. (yay) Maybe it was her Catholic upbringing, which although she rebelled against fiercely, might have stuck to some deep down parts of her worldview.

So she returned to the States to go through pregnancy. Alone. And made the decision to give the baby up for adoption.

Around the 4th month, when she started to show, she left Colorado where she was living (because word can travel fast) and certainly didn’t go back home to visit her family in Chicago for the next 5 months. She had to go somewhere where no one in her larger life lived. Arizona, here we come.

She had a friend, a discreet friend apparently, who lived in the mountains outside of Tucson, and so for the next 5 months she lived there, undergoing pregnancy and all it entails (which i now see first hand), removed from almost all of her friends and family.

But the kicker, and this where i’m just floored, after undergoing the entire long and very challenging process of having a baby grow inside of you, at the end of it, she gave it away.

Don’t misunderstand, i’m not personally hurt in any way by this, i’m just saying the having been with maja undergoing this entire pregnancy, watching and experiencing this entire process, after all of this, the idea of giving the baby away is incredible. I couldn’t do it. I’m not sure i have the strength.

I stand in awe of her. I’m also grateful that she didn’t take the easy way out, because the hard way, i really see now, is REALLY, REALLY hard. I mean the movie Juno is really cute and all, but it IS just a movie.

Pregnant women going it alone, either by choice or because some man is a scumsucker (or maybe he’s doing his part but the being together as a couple thing just won’t work), i salute you. Please, have my seat. Can i get you some water? A Peanut butter and pickle sandwich?

Pregnant women who have decided that adoption is best and are actually able to do it, you are the most hard core of the hard core, bikers and gansta thugs are wusses next to you, and on behalf of the sons and daughters you will never see but brought into the world nonetheless, thank you, thank you, thank you. We feel strongly that your hardship and sacrifice was well worth it.

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1 Comment »

  1. Indeed. Pass the pickles. Oh, and make sure your wife’s getting a lot of dark greens. Kid needs iron.

    Comment by matthew — September 7, 2008 @ 12:50 am | Reply


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