The Bodacious Belgrade Blog

October 26, 2008

Future Father: Last Days Alone

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 3:25 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Our apartment is painted. The bedroom is green and the living room light coffee with one wall dark chocolate. Looks great, although the dark wall needs one more coat.

Maja obviously cannot sleep here for a few days, so she is at her mom’s, which gives me a day or 2 alone here in the apartment. These alone days are heavenly, and the last i shall see for a long time.

I got to sit out on my terrace for hours a habit i’ve been slowly breaking. I spend most of the time now thinking about Maja and my baby who will be coming just around the corner. 2 months ago i’d be wearing headphones, listening to some jams, bopping from side to side. Now i wear headphones, listen to jams, and cradle an invisible baby delicately in rhythm to the funky beats.

I am ready for my little baby boy to come.

I miss Maja and the in-the-tummy-baby obviously, but i also really value my alone time. I get to wake up in silence, work on music all day with no distractions. Put some of the furniture back, work on more music (‘Cthullu:The Funksical’. And it’s going AWEsome), do this until i drop. Ah, the bachelor’s life.

Of course, the irony is when my day is done and i sit out on the terrace i just think about my wife and baby in between losing myself to the music. Which is why having a few days is a blessing, but after this i’m ready for this next bit, the whole birth thing.

It is strangely unsettling to be literally on the cusp of labor. This is the last 2 weeks, and it could truly happen at any moment. It’s like there’s a low hum always on in your emotional background. Nothing too unsettling, but as of about a week and a half ago, there starting being this part of me always ready for the moment. Even at 4 in the moring when i get up to go to the bathroom, i think, “okay, if it happens right now i could do it. I can wake up and deal.”

Then of course i go back to bed and remind myself to thank my son one day. If he can NOT decide to come out between the hours of 2 and 8, i would REALLY be grateful. One day i’ll get him something special in return. “Thanks dad!” “No problem son, this is for not going into labor at 4 in the morning.”

(the baby actually decides it, by the way. The mama goes into labor based on chemicals the baby sends her when it for whatever reason decides it’s time.)

“But dad, why can’t i have the toy?” “Because you had to put your mama into labor at 5 in the morning, son. Daddy was not very happy about that.”

It’s like the father’s answer to those mothers who tell their kids “I was in labor for 20 hours with you. Heaven forbid i get a little respect!”

You’ll never get it. They won’t care. I haven’t cared until basically right now, when all of a sudden i start to perceive that this whole parenting thing is radically different then unparenting life and will change you fundamentally, from your soul on up.

But still, these unexpected, surprise few days alone are a Gdsend, really. A chance to catch my breath and get some quiet solitary enjoyment, some true alone time before i have to go back to husband and father, 2 roles i’m grateful for and never realized how happy i’d be because of.

Now if i could just figure out how to feed myself….



  1. Sounds like you’re ready, as ready as anyone ever is. I have zero doubt that you will do everything that is necessary for that child’s well-being and development, even if, like me, you have to do it by trial and error.

    For old time’s sake, here’s the last Letter From NYC I sent before Nathan showed up:

    References to the impending kid are scattered, but I was in a similar state of mind to what you described above.

    Presently my little feller is napping in his room. He turns three on November 14th, and I can hardly believe it. We painted a picture this morning, and he told me the names of the little blobs he was painting. Worlds away from three years ago. Eons. You’re going on a very long trip, and it will take you to places you never dreamed existed.

    Ride that wave, it’s a-comin’.

    Comment by matthew — October 26, 2008 @ 10:36 pm | Reply

  2. Dearest Nephew.

    You Made Me Weep Today! .. What a Wonderous time and a Wonder filled time you are in for. Thank you for sharing your heart with me and all your readers. I am in total agreement with Matthew. You are going to be an awesome dad and know that your creative juices will be flowing even more than before. We are holding you and Maja and the little one in the light .

    Patsy and Dennis

    Comment by Patsy — October 26, 2008 @ 11:41 pm | Reply

  3. Don’t blame the kids; they come at night because we’re mammals, and night time in our burrows is the safest time for giving birth. So to speak. Technically, you could say children get born at 2 am so they and their mamas don’t get eaten by saber-toothed tigers, or whatever was around when we evolved. Not their fault their genes haven’t caught up yet.

    Comment by emjaybee — October 28, 2008 @ 4:09 am | Reply

  4. Born at 2am would be perfect! I just don’t want the whole labor process to START at 2am.

    Comment by bunitingi — October 28, 2008 @ 1:30 pm | Reply

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