The Bodacious Belgrade Blog

November 30, 2008

Adam’s Birth (by Maja)

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 2:10 am
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Since Buni Daddy has sunk into post-partum blues, I’ll take over the blog with the birthing story we promised. Way belated, but I was kept pretty busy playing a Terrible Mother to the little bundle of poop.  While pregnant, I looooved reading other womens’ birthing stories, although there were very few I actually wanted to identify with – one exception was this FANTASTIC water birthing video I’ll post (it’s so serene & beautiful, no blood or scary shots of baby heads hanging out of vaginas, I promise!)

Anyway, half the story is already on the blog – the cervical issues, the fibroid, my Dr.’s paranoid obsession with induction (which really is a blanket ‘cover your ass’ policy, I realized). I dodged it twice, but that Tuesday morning I was to be admitted. Monday afternoon, after 10 days of false starts and a thousand “signs” of labor, there was still no real deal in sight.

So, in a final and desperate attempt to persuade the baby to come out voluntarily, I put on my sneakers and set out on a Labor Walk, totally determined not to come back until I feel contractions starting. For three and a half hours I hobbled by the Danube beaming happy thoughts to baby asking if he would pretty please come out and play. I did deep meditation, breathing exercises, visualizations – but, alas, when I came back nothing changed – except my entire body aching from the marathonic walk.

However, all was not in vain. Later that night, a few hours after practice (and an awesome workshop to deal with fear from hospitals), desperate determination paid off. Around 1:30 am, just before going to bed, I felt a Contraction. It was definitely stronger than those false alarms and I almost peed myself in anticipation of the next one. The next one came, and then the one after that and they were getting stronger by the minute. HALLELUJAH! I mean, could this really be it???

I think that mental attitude of pure happiness at the fact that it will all happen naturally SAVED me. Because in the next 2 hours, the contractions have gone from 6 to 3 minutes apart and they were pretty harsh. But, I was so relieved it started that I managed to shut down most of the pain. Earlier, I pictured a serene, candle-lit early labor that would last for hours and hours, but it seems that the baby got Mommy’s message loud and clear and was not going to waste any time to meet us.

Already at 4:20 we were in the car on our way to the hospital – I don’t remember it at all, it was pretty trippy to see it on that You tube video my brother made! All I could do is attempt to relax and breathe, but it was becoming crystal clear that without an epidural, I would not survive (I knew I was a chicken when it comes to pain, but I did toy with the idea of going ‘all natural’ weeks before).

At admission, I was 2cm dilated – really nothing to write home about. They had put us in a special “apartment” birthing box because father was to be present. Paja got dressed in the green hospital outfit and waited for me when I came out of the “preparation” (OUCH OUCH OUCH!! If I have to pick the winning moment, it would be the enema-contractions combo! But, I shall spare you the details). I was never so glad to have Paul with me. Even though in the beginning there wasn’t much he could do, just his very presence  was enough to transform that sterile hospital room into an intimate, comforting space. I don’t remember much of that hour waiting for the epidural, except the cold hospital wall that I leaned against and Paul making me visualize drinking ice cold martinis (“Tingi, it’s going to be a big one. Ok. You’re taking a glass to your mouth, taking a big sip, the cold alcoholic goodness just sliding down your throat”). I swear I tasted the real thing and it got me through at least 5 contractions….And apparently through another 2cm.

And then the good doctor came. Anesthesia. God’s gift to women. When that cold liquid started down the tube on my back, I tell you, I was in HEAVEN. All pain was gone and I could finally relax. The baby wasn’t as thrilled – his heart tones went down for a little while, sending us into a slight – and only – panicky moment of the whole birth, but fortunately it all went back to normal in a matter of minutes.

From then on, everything was a breeze. Lightening speed breeze. In the next two hours – during which ALL the doctors in the hospital came to check out The American – my cervix went from 4 to 10cm. The anesthesiologist would come in and babble about the differences between Serbia and America, his trip to Minnesota, his cousins in the States; Paul listened to baby heart tones and made sure they were ok, making jokes and keeping it all lighthearted; my doctor went in and out, delighted that I was dilating so quickly. Honestly, I felt like I was in my living room, chatting away with the guests…(if only we had smuggled some ice cold martinis in…)

Before you knew it, I felt something in my belly just kind of slid down. Because of the epidural I didn’t feel the urge to push, but there was a definite sensation of something dropping. Paul called the midwife who pretty much said – OK, this would be it – and called the doctor. I pictured that moment in my birthing exercises a thousand times, and not in a million years did I imagine that I would be so calm and at the same time excited to push the little one out (in the worst case scenarios, I had pictured screaming bloody murder, guts and blood everywhere, Paja fainting, baby getting stuck…). But, I felt absolutely no fear, just this giddiness and euphoria – which for a coward like me was a super big surprise.

Paja went to stand behind my bed, holding its rails, and I think we were both prepared for this part to last way longer than it did. The doctor said push, and leaned into my stomach with all her weight (don’t even ask – some stupid 1950’s practice), and I pushed. I didn’t even push so hard, and I could hear them say – great job, the head is out! The head was out??? Already? It was that easy? I pushed I think 2 or 3 more times, and all I remember feeling is warm slithery wetness that was unlike any sensation I ever felt before.

All of a sudden, what was for 9 months invisible and hidden came to light. The big lump in my belly transformed into this ENORMOUSLY long, big, purple creature hanging by his little feeties – A BABY! My baby. This was it. It was so surreal, insanely emotional, and so completely shocking. Behind me, I could hear Paja going “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD”.  In front of me, the baby still hanging upside down, and I all I could see is his testicles (which, believe me, are truly prominent!) and the midwife asking me to confirm that the baby was indeed a boy.

They laid him down then and at first he didn’t cry (boy, is he making up for that right now!) The doctor kept saying everything was ok, give him a minute and he’ll start. As soon as they dried him and let out a few cries, they placed him on my chest and that moment will stay with me for the rest of my life. He got so quiet, opened his big blue eyes and just STARED AT US. Like really intensely, checking us out. Even though what he saw was just a blurry image of two nutbags, cooing and crying and repeating ‘oh my god’ a thousand times, he looked at us like he was a thousand years old, all alert and so super intense. I still don’t know what I felt, except just this huge sense of shock, like it wasn’t happening to me. But at the same time I felt this little creature elicit such powerful emotions of love, yes, but also some fiercely strong, primal protective urge.

They left him with us for a good hour and a half while the doctor was stitching me up and everyone came to see little Serbo-American baby. The doctor was asking if we had a name for him and I said “no, not yet”, but Paul was whispering “it’s Adam, she just doesn’t know it yet.” Which delighted the good doctor so much, and impressed by Paja, she said “oh, you should then name him Adam, your husband totally deserves it.” (I was gonna say – HE deserved it? Uhm, I mean I know he didn’t faint or anything, but wasn’t it ME who just gave birth???). But, at that moment, I loved him so much, he could have talked me into calling the baby Jeremiah, so secretly I knew the baby will be Adam and that the doctor was the one who tipped the scales.

So, that’s the story of Adam’s birth. All together, it was such an amazingly positive experience and I can’t even believe that I am saying this, but it made the idea of having another baby kind of OK (I swore at some point in the pregnancy I would never go through that again!).

So back I go to being a Terrible Mother. Ah, the good old days of pregnancy woes and labor pains…

November 29, 2008

And The Days Come And Go…

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 1:31 am
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The days begin to pass in a blurry dream.

Another night, another afternoon, another diaper, another feeding, another sunset viewed longingly out the terrave window wihtout ever stepping outside except briefly around 2 am for a quick cigarette while the baby sleeps, dreaming of his 3AM feeding.

It’s 1AM. I check my facebook and email. I have done this before. 4Am i am pacing up and down the hallway, baby on shoulder, walking out a series of soft burps in hopes he will sleep straight through to when my wife is ready to wake for the day. I have done this before.

I stumble around the apartment fatigued, i waltz in large sweeping arches with baby to Pachebel’s Canon, i sing him Close To You by The Carpenters, staring deep into his eyes as he stares back. We dance to funk, to Beatles, even to Phish, and all of this i have done before.

All is an endlessly repeating series of routines revolving around feeding or changing or comforting the little one who sets the pace of each day. My wife excels at taking care of my morning needs and i excel at taking care of her evening needs. We both excel at taking care of baby’s 24/7 needs, which we do over and over and over again as the days come and go.

It is midnight again. Now again. Now again. Which was the midnight 3 days ago versus the one yesterday? The differences are negligible.

The sleep deprivation blurs the endless repetitive motions together, and eventually cracks appear. I bark, she bites, we apologize, baby cries, baby sleeps, baby changes slowly, his growth happening somewhere above the squeaky hamster wheel on which his parents run, stumbling blindly as it turns around and around and they wait, dreaming of a time in which the scenery will change, or the wheel will finally break free and careen into the outside world which sits like a far off storybook realm outside of our cold, november windows.

Paint On Glass Animation: The Mermaid

This is gorgeous.

As has been said before, i am fan of interesting animation, and this utilizes a rather beautiful technique called paint-on-glass. It is by Russian animator Alexandr Petrov, and is based on a poem by Alexander Pushkin.

Paint on glass is Petrov’s signature style and is accomplished by manipulating slow drying oil paints on sheets of glass. The scene is painted, and then the paint is “smudged” if you will, frame by frame, creating a very unique sense of flow.

I also really dig the quintessential “Russian-ness” of it.

The Mermaid:

I would also point out, that conbined with the post above, this animation feel captures rather accurately how i feel some of these newborn days.

November 28, 2008

Baby Personal Ad

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 3:02 am

Adam (The Booshy Tooshy) Shapera

studs-shapera

Age: Boy Toy, baby.

Looking For: Sugar Mama.

Occupation: Rocker. I LOVE to rock.

Orientation: Swinger.

Favorite Albums:

Carpenters’ Greatest Hits

The Beatles Blue Album (but only CD1. CD2 has a little too much fuzz guitar for me.)

Sea Moods. 1 hour of nothing but waves. Really soothing. One of my favorites.

Likes:

Titty.

More titty. Really, canNOT get enough.

Just being held.

Staring deep into your eyes.

Dislikes:

When daddy sleeps.

When daddy does anything that doesn’t involve holding me.

Having my damn diaper changed. Seriously. What’s up with that? Does it HAVE to be like, 7 times a DAY?

Loud noises.

Being naked. Look, don’t ask me why, i just don’t like it.

Favorite TV Show: To be honest, i haven’t seen that many, but my daddy watches an episode of Dexter every night with me on his chest just prior to my 3 am feeding. Yeah, he’s pretty twisted, but in his defense it’s actually a very quiet show. No one ever screams or fires a gun. Dexter does all his killing very silently. He’s a real pro.

Hey listen, i’m just lookin’ for some lovin’. Having lactating titties is a BIG plus. I do love my daddy, who i’m a little annoyed is lacking in that department (not that i still don’t try to see if i can find one) but i kind of look the other way since not only does he sing and dance with me, but to be honest, i have him wrapped around my little finger.

What do i have to offer? Well, let’s see. I’m REALLY lovable. I’m talkin’ SERIOUSly lovable. I am the cutest thing you will EVER bring home. I will keep you accupied 24/7, never a boring moment while i’m around. Like i say, life’s too short to sleep! For you, that is. Me, i sleep about 19 hour a day, but i like to surprise you with which segments i’m awake for.

Other guys, they give you lots of shit. Comparatively,  my poop is rather small. Also, i never talk back. As far as i’m concerned, be freewheelin; with the titty, and you are always right. I am not in the least passive aggresive. When i don’t like something, believe me, you’ll know.

The Princess Bride, The Sweded Version

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 1:59 am
Tags: , , ,

Let’s take break from the baby stuff, shall we?

This is a condensed, no budget, 5 minute version of “The Princess Bride” made in the style of the “Sweded” movies in Michel Gondry’s “Be Kind, Rewind”. I know it must be said. Inconceivable.

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November 26, 2008

Your Baby Cries Because You Suck

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 1:09 am

You. Yes you. You reading this with the baby.

Why is your baby crying for hours at time every evening?

I’ll tell you why. It is because you SUCK.

Who told you you could do this? What are you a retard?

Why don’t you feed him? Why don’t you feed him enough? Why don’t you feed him properly?

Because you suck. Duh.

Oh my Gd, the terrible pathologies he is developing on a daily, nay, hourly basis. And who wouldn’t. What do babies need? Fed and cleaned. You clean him, you feed him, terribly i might add, and yet he cries every evening from 7-11. There can be only one reason for this. This is because you suck.

You are a bad, loser mother. You are a baffoonish dipshit of a father. Seriously. Poor little baby, look at him. He is so cute and helpless. He relies solely on you to take care of him, and yet apparently you are vastly too incompetent.

Oh weren’t YOU congratulating YOURselves when he was sOOOOO good today, unlike 7-11 last night. Oh how you learned SoOOOOOO  much and today was sooOOOO different. Until 7 that is. That is when we discovered you are still cretins, the both of you.

You make me sick. OooOOOOOO you learned to SWADDLE last night. NOW everything’s gonna be just PEACHY. You dolt.

Wow, what great baby theories you have. Too bad they suck. Oh, how nice, love and good intentions. Think back to that last exciting sports match you watched. You don’t think the loser had good intentions? I’m sure s/he intended to not suck too. But they sucked anyway. That’s why they’re the l-o-s-e-r. And even worse, you’re suckness is messing up this poor, innocent little baby. You should be ashamed.

I’m glad we had this little talk. I wouldn’t want you to go around with a false worldview. You know, that the world is a place you don’t suck in.

Please don’t miss my next lecture where I’ll be talking about positive reinforcement and childraising.

November 25, 2008

Photo Overload

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 12:52 am
Tags: ,

There are more interesting posts just down the page. Personally i find ‘Baby Torture’ to be rather accurate.

For the few, the proud, who can actually deal with more pics, here they are.

We begin with the Fussy Baby Series (the story of our day)

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Since little Adam has jaundice, a nurse recommended we put him in direct sunlight for as long as possible. Hence i spent a while in the early afternoon in the bedroom with him, keeping him centered in a sunbeam.

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If he ever becomes a cult leader, he should use this photo of him as a baby.

If he ever becomes a cult leader, he should use this photo of him as a baby.

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Baby Torture

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 12:08 am
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Yaaaaawwwnnn. Oh, i awake. Maybe i sleep more. zzzzzzz. no i awake again. Maybe i be awake.

I no feel so good. I no comfortable. (fidgets and fusses) no. no comfortable.

Should i cry? mmm. let me decide. (makes scrunchy face) aaah…. aaaaaAAhhh. AAAhh….. no. no cry now.

Am i hungry? Mmmm, me like titty.

No, no am hungry. Cannot decide. But…. just….. no comfortable….

Oh, looky, here comes the daddy. Daddy pick me up… WOAH!

Okay, daddy hold me now. Mmm. This pretty good. Me like. Oh, he walking. Me love when he holds me and walks. Maybe he sing?

There he goes. This is nice. Why do all his songs have lyrics revolving around the words “booshy”, “squooshy” and “tooshy”? Do all songs only have these lyrics?

This nice. Me can sleep more. Mmmmmm

Oh, we going in other room. Okay. Me like.

Wait. Why the daddy lay me down? Me no want to lay down. Me was liking the walk/hold baby thing.

Wait, why he tug at my little pants? Oh no. OH NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO…. IS he going to…..

NOOOOOOOOOO HE GOING TO CHANGE MYDIAPER!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

ME HATE WHEN THEY CHANGE DIAPER!!!! OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN THEY’RE GOING TO TAKE MY DIAPER OFF!!!

OH THE INDIGNITY!!!! THE TORMENT!!!AH JEEZ HE WIPING MY BOTTOM WITH THE WARM WET CLOTH!!!! AAAAAAAAAA I HATE THE WIPING OF ME LITTLE BOTTOM.

OH GOD WHEN WILL THIS END???? OH THE TORMENT!!!! THE INHUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOOO WOAH IS ME!!!1

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NOT THE CHAMOMILE SOOTHING LOTION ON MY BUTT!!! AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! OH GOD ANYTHING BUT THE CHAMOMILE SOOTHING LOTION!!!! WHEN WILL THIS END???!!!??? IS THERE NO MERCY FOR A LITTLE BABY?!?!

oh God…. oh God… they’re taking out…. OOOOOOH GOD IN HEAVEN THEY’RE GOING TO PUT THE SOFT DRY DIAPER ON ME!!!! WHY????????????????????????????? WHY??????????????????????????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT NEVER ENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!

WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh the daddy is picking me up again. Mm. Oh. This is nice.

Mmmm. Oooooooo. Baby likes.

I sleep now.

November 24, 2008

Guitar Hero On Bicycle

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 5:00 pm

Before i collapse into an afternoon nap that will, i assure you resemble a coma, i just want ot post this incredibly cool vid someone made which, assuming you are familiar even in passing with Guitar Hero speaks for itself.

No, i don’t have time to search these things on the net. But you lovely folks are kind enough to send this stuff to me. Adn i love you for it.

Really? More pics? NooooOOOOooooo problem.

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 2:08 am
Tags: ,

“I for one am not babied out. MORE BABY!! more baby pics!!! woohhooooo. I love it.”

I do requests when i play piano (although if it’s  Margueritaville, you can basically go *&@#%^@&), so i see no reason not to do them on the blog. Hell, I know IIII’m not tired of baby pics, but then again i also look into the kleenex every time i blow just to check out what i’m producing there too, so i’m not always sure how many other people are on board.

Besides, it’s 1AM and i have another 4-5 hours to pass before Maja wakes up to take over. That’s right, i’m the night shift. Baby is also a night owl, which we will work on weening off starting sometime next week. But from now until i hope 2:30 (maybe 3? Please?) he might even stay passed out since we gave him a good long feeding. But this has never happened yet. Usually Maja wakes up just as dawn is breaking to find the 2 of us passed out on the couch. 4 Am is the worst. He won’t stay quiet unless i hold him really tight. He doesn’t do this any other time of the day quite this stubbornly, but oh well. It’s Daddy/ baby time and i wouldn’t trade it for anything. Other than actual sleep.

Oh sorry. More pics? here you go, Lucia. ( and i know a couple others of you)

I will work on getting some that include maja for next time. (to be honest, we have several now, but as they involve.. ahem…. feeding time, i cannot post those without Maja’s permission. And she’s sleeping. And for heaven’s sake that woman gets less sleep than I do. Also, she’s working on the big post telling her delivery story, but as she has problems, uh, sitting down (you other mothers out there know what i’m talking about), it will come sometime later in the week.

Adam:

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We try not to use the bottle, but it's just not always possible.

Burping.

Burping.

Well, fills ME with warm fuzzies every time.

November 23, 2008

One Titty To Rule Them

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 6:37 pm
Tags: , , ,

Why aren’t women the undisputed overlords of the Earth?

I mean let’s face it, while incredible strides in gender equality have been made in the past 100 years, it’s still a man’s world. How is this possible when women have The Titty?

I am a happy Daddy. I love my little boy and love to hold him and sing to him and cuddle him and rock him and talk to him, all the things a Daddy can do to love his little baby. Including lots of diaper changing.

But, at the end of the day, i canNOT compete with The Titty.

Seriously. There is no sing and dance routine i will ever be able to learn that can trump The Titty. Baby lovse Titty above all else in this world thus far, and this shows no signs of changing anytime soon.

So i gets me thinking. What do babies love most? Titty.

What do grown men love most? Titty.

“They that hold access to the most desired resource control the world.”

So…. babies love titty, men who dominate the patriarchal power structure love titty, why aren’t women overlords? I mean who deosn’t love titty that can be a threat?

Gay men? Actually, i know quite a few gay guys who love to squoosh titties. They don’t want to take it home and shtoop it, but they certainly love it. Still, okay, they don’t love it with quite the same zest as straight guys. This is true. They can live without it, as where us straight guys can most definitely NOT.

But in case you haven’t noticed, gay men do not exactly make up the ruling elite.

Which leaves boy between the ages of say 6 and 12, who basically don’t care a whiff about titty. Once again, not the movers and the shakers.

So how is it possible that the world came to be patriarchal? Someone mentioned ot me once that it;s because men have a lust for power that women don’t, but it is my VAST experience that this is SO not true. There are probably a million sci-fi books out there based around the concept that the entire world/galaxy is in desperate desire for water/elonium P-47 space modulators/etc and this resource is carefully controlled by some small race of super elite Zoraphians or somesuch.

Well, it seems to me that Titty is the great resource  and women, who hold it, are the Zoraphians. So once again, is there a Sauronette somewhere, biding her time, carefully searching high and low for The One Titty To Rule Them All?

She’d have MY baby lined up at the gates of Mordor, that’s for sure.

P.S i am sleep deprived, so bear with be, but has anyone actaully named their baby Frodo?

Waterworld The Musical

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 6:36 pm
Tags: ,

It can’t just be me being incredibly sleep deprived (and make no mistake about it. I AM. Along with totally scattered in the head and prone to walking up aqnd down the hallway 8 times sure that i have something improtant i’m supposed to be doing but not being able to hold it in my head for more than 4 seconds)

but i think that despite this, this may in fact objectively be utterly super awesome.

Vodpod videos no longer available.
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