The Bodacious Belgrade Blog

November 15, 2008

How To Survive The 9th Month

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 2:48 am

Day 255: Baby, please don’t come tomorrow. Could you just wait 2 more days? Daddy really wants to go to a Halloween party and drink and have fun and not have to go to the hospital, so if you could just wait an extra 2 days, Daddy would be really grateful. Thanks

Day 256: Glug glug glugity glug. Chat chat chattity chat.

Day 257: Ow. Ow. Ow.

Day 258: Okay. I’m ready. Baby, you can come now.

Day 259: Okay baby. we’re totally, really ready. you can come anytime. Come on, baby. You can do it!

Day 260: Yep. Uh, still ready. Waiting. Whenever you want, baby. Here we are! Here’s the big bright world! Come on down!

Day 261: (whistling)

Day 264: OMG!!! Mommy’s having contraptions!!! They’re lasting a 6 hours! This is it! Yay baby! YAY! Come on baby! You can do it!

Day 265: You’ve got to be kidding me. What do you mean no baby?

Day 266: Maybe baby comes today?

Day 267: Maybe not.

Day 268: Baby, strange old man in market we’ve never met said you were coming today. I just KNOW you’ll be coming today!

Day 269: Okay. Baby. Seriously. Really. You can come. We are SO ready, if we were any more ready mommy and daddy’s heads would explode.

Day 270: Look, baby. Tell you what, if you come today, then when you are 7, Daddy will buy you a dog. Of course what you don’t know is that daddy really wants a dog anyway, and will be buying it regardless. but since you don;t know this, you will think that daddy is the greatest daddy in the whole world. So what do you say? Come today= dog.

Day 271: Baby. Let’s try another method. If you DON’T come today, then when you are 7, daddy will ground you. You won’t know why, but this is why. Save yourself the trouble. Just come on. Today. Cooooooooome on…..

Day 272: (Huge sigh)

Day 273: Look. I realize you have probably figured out by now that your mommy and daddy are slight nutbags. I understand you might be hesitant to come into the world with parents who are total nutbags, but what you need to realize is that we are really FUN nutbags! And loving. Fun, loving nutbags. There are a lot of babies out there who WISH they had such fun loving nutbags for parents. Really, it’s not so bad. Please come. Please? Pleasy please? No really. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE come. Please?



Day 276: (play Beatles music) Wow! Listen! The Beatles! Who doesn’t love the Beatles! Don’t you want to come listen to the Beatles? Oh. that’s right. You can hear them just fine from where you are. Shit.

Day 277: (soft weeping) Your room is all painted. We have all your little clothes and a little play gym… we are the most loving parents we think in the history of baby parents. all you have to do is come. We want nothing more in life than to see you. Oh, baby. Your parents are great nutbags because they are just the right level of nutbagness. You don’t need us to go further into the realms of nutbagness. And really, we are heading down Nutbag Domain at an astonishing speed.

day 278: (parents play with their own poo) Whee!


1 Comment »

  1. It is one of the curious side-effects of parenthood that one gets a little closer to their own inner child in the process. Or infant, depending on the day. Often Nathan and I will say, on the same day, “I don’t WANNA ________!!!”

    Comment by matthew — November 15, 2008 @ 5:48 am | Reply

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