The Bodacious Belgrade Blog

November 17, 2008

Blogs, Your Best Friend

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 5:17 pm
Tags: , , ,

Blogs are the greatest thing to ever happen to childbirth.

Not for the parents really, and certainly not for the baby who won’t even be capable of reading this for many years (not that i have any doubt that the product of my mighty testicles will be anything short of a wunderkind, but let’s just pretend for the sake of discussion that he’s actually closer to the normal end of the intelligence spectrum).

No, blogs are YOUR best friend, that is you the friends of a pregnant or newly parented couple.

See, i have discovered that all those folks i knew who had kids and couldn’t stop droning on and on and bloody on about every last little excruciating detail, in fact were simply biologically inCApable of stopping themselves. It’s built into the human genome. There is a chromosome for it.

And now that it is my turn up at bat, my genetic programming has kicked in too.

Unfortunately, no sane human being can POSSIBLY care about the vast never-ending stream of baby oriented drivel the poor parents are helpless to stop themselves from going on about.

In the old days, when things like typewriters and buffalo still roamed the earth YOU, the poor wretched acquaintances, had to sit in real time through the endless stream of detail about fetus development, va-jay-jays, and labor complications, hoping against hope that the angel of death would mercifully sweep down and take your life or the speaker’s.

But NOW, thanks to the modern advancement of the blog, you can read as much or little as you want, WHEN you want, and even search by category. “Hmm”, you say, “i see there is post about induction. That sounds gross and labory, i will skip it and instead read how i may survive the 9th month.”

Wow. It’s so easy. I envy you. “Hmm, i will check in to see how paul’s mounting excursion through anticipatory hell is going. Ah… mm hm….. mm hmmm…. oh wait, grey’s anatomy is on. Their dialogue is much better. Good luck, paul. ”

So, uh, really that was all just way to to say here’s another update for those of you who can bear yet MORE pregnancy update details.

Tomorrow, that is Tuesday, Maja is checking into the hospital. They will spend a day making sure she is good to go for induction. On Wed, PRObably, they will go ahead and induce. So wed night, perhaps thursday morning it should all be over.

I of course will be providing you with a minute by minute Cervical Dilation Update complete with pics… (WHAM!!!!! Paul is slammed and flattened across his head by a large wooden chair wielded by his pregnant and slightly more modest wife. He expresses surprise that she had it in her to lift the thing.)

Okay, ha ha. Maybe not. Just kidding. In any case there’s the state of things. Chill today, hospital tomorrow, inducement Wed, possibly Thursday.

I, the father, am making my sacrifices too. For example, while i am in the middle of reading 1984, maja decided to pick it up also, and is really into it. She will need a book to read when admitted tomorrow. Despite my pleas that she perhaps sample that crappy 4,000 page sci-fi saga i have ground to a halt reading, she seems strangely unwilling to give it a shot. So i, Saint Supportive Spouse, will give it to her to read in the hospital. You know, parents have to sacrifice… although i tried explaining to the hospital that every day she’s in there is a day i don’t have anyone to cook lunch for me. (you think i’m kidding…)

Sigh. Okay. Yes, i know, the bad humor must stop some time. The nerves and jitters are getting to us all. But the plan is set now.

Off we go.

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3 Comments »

  1. That gene you speak of, it has another property: Having become a parent, you will actually find the child stories of others fascinating. Thus my frequent commentary on these posts.

    It is a strange time we live in. For instance, I was not able to go back and read my parents’ blog posts from 1974. Kids will be able to dig up all kinds of dirt on their parents now. (“Dad, gimme twenty bucks or I’ll show your boss that picture your friends took when you were passed out and naked out behind Hooters…”).

    I’m only just now hearing my dad’s embarassing stories. Those would’ve come in far more handy 15 years ago.

    But we’re practically serving it up to our progeny on a platter. They’ll be The Blackmail Generation.

    Comment by matthew — November 17, 2008 @ 7:59 pm | Reply

  2. Your theory works only if the parent has a sense of shame. I do not possess this compromising trait. Also, as a musician, the more outlandish the photo, the more cred i get. Blackmail away, kiddo. I have the car keys.

    Comment by bunitingi — November 17, 2008 @ 11:45 pm | Reply

  3. Thankfully most of my awkward bits happened before the invention of the blog, or even the Google. Apart from my first attempts at web design. Oy, the pain.

    Comment by matthew — November 18, 2008 @ 12:54 am | Reply


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