The Bodacious Belgrade Blog

November 29, 2008

And The Days Come And Go…

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 1:31 am
Tags: , ,

The days begin to pass in a blurry dream.

Another night, another afternoon, another diaper, another feeding, another sunset viewed longingly out the terrave window wihtout ever stepping outside except briefly around 2 am for a quick cigarette while the baby sleeps, dreaming of his 3AM feeding.

It’s 1AM. I check my facebook and email. I have done this before. 4Am i am pacing up and down the hallway, baby on shoulder, walking out a series of soft burps in hopes he will sleep straight through to when my wife is ready to wake for the day. I have done this before.

I stumble around the apartment fatigued, i waltz in large sweeping arches with baby to Pachebel’s Canon, i sing him Close To You by The Carpenters, staring deep into his eyes as he stares back. We dance to funk, to Beatles, even to Phish, and all of this i have done before.

All is an endlessly repeating series of routines revolving around feeding or changing or comforting the little one who sets the pace of each day. My wife excels at taking care of my morning needs and i excel at taking care of her evening needs. We both excel at taking care of baby’s 24/7 needs, which we do over and over and over again as the days come and go.

It is midnight again. Now again. Now again. Which was the midnight 3 days ago versus the one yesterday? The differences are negligible.

The sleep deprivation blurs the endless repetitive motions together, and eventually cracks appear. I bark, she bites, we apologize, baby cries, baby sleeps, baby changes slowly, his growth happening somewhere above the squeaky hamster wheel on which his parents run, stumbling blindly as it turns around and around and they wait, dreaming of a time in which the scenery will change, or the wheel will finally break free and careen into the outside world which sits like a far off storybook realm outside of our cold, november windows.

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1 Comment »

  1. So much that’s dreamlike about this time, as you said. The sleep deprivation, the intense emotions, and the break with whatever your past was. A bit like being indoctrinated into a cult, so that at last you say “Yes, Baby, thy will be done.” Thankfully, it doesn’t last and you will get to take your brain back out of storage slowly, bit by bit. But when you put all the parts back together, it will still feel different, like it’s been fiddled with, which of course it has. There are some new parts you never saw before or didn’t know you had.

    Parenting is the strangest drug you will ever take, is what I’m saying.

    Comment by emjaybee — November 29, 2008 @ 1:49 am | Reply


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