The Bodacious Belgrade Blog

December 31, 2008

Love.

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 3:50 am

So, last post of 2008.

No point of going on about the year, it’s all in this blog (even though the blog only started this past august).

I do want to end the year with one last blog (of course about the baby. back when i had a broken foot i had a lot of all kinds of posts. After the baby it’s pretty much all baby stuff. Hard to say where it’ll go next year.)

I do a lot of moaning and whining posts. This is for 2 reasons: 1 it’s good tension release and 2 i know a bunch of you sick bastards derive great pleasure from sipping my pain like a fine vintage.

And to be honest, 2 years from now when some other good friend goes through this whole baby thing and i get to watch them retread these first chaotic months, i too will thrill hear their experience of the Shock and Awe of babydom.

So with that said, i just want to take a small moment and mention the joy of it all. Because even with the pain and fatigue and screams of a poor tortured baby whose parents never feed him or hold him long enough, there is SO much love along with it.

Looking at his little face is just unbelievable. Gets me every time.

The frustration goes away, actually. I can hold him very nonchanlantly nowadays while he cries his little head off and patiently talk (okay, almost always sing) him into a blissful mellowness. But the love never diminishes.

There is so much joy and beauty to him and to the whole experience that i would be remiss if i didn’t take a moment to stress it in between all the fun little anguish posts that make this blog fun and not so nauseating. (i mean, do you REALLY want to read icky gooey love letters form me all the time, or tortured stories of being covered in dripping yellow poo? And actually, i did have my first “completely covered in baby poo” experience the other day. Changing his diaper, his little bottom bare, and out it came in a yellow, liquid spray that hosed my stomach and crotch in baby poo. Got rid of his cramps, though.)

See, look at that. You loved the poo story. You wanted to hear it mroe than me going “he’s just SO GORGEOUS!”

However, for the record

He IS so gorgeous.

This really IS a wonderful experience full of love and wonder.

There.

More feces tales next time. I promise.

Happy New Year.

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December 25, 2008

Screams

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 10:36 pm

How often do you listen to the soind of another human being scream?

I don’t mean some horror movie, with  a contrived premise and carefully faked dramatic performance. No, i mean really just spent time listening to someone really just scream bloody murder.

Yes, this is my life now. I listen to screaming all the time. There are 3 types.

1. IT hungers.

This is the screams that transforms this:

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into this:

This is for the most part solvable. Stick him on the Titty. Unless Maja eneds more time to build milk and we don;t want to use the bottle because it will destroy her milk production. Basically breastfeeding is a major pain in the ass. but even MORE so is the sounds of screaming filling your morning/afternoon/evening/nighttime/sleep.

2. Poop.

The I poop in my pants and now it no feel so good and i no like it scream.

This is not always easy to identify until the whiff really hits you. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in his daiper to check and it comes out with a little yellowish gooey surprise. However, this is an easy scream to take care of.

It transforms this:

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into this:

3. This is the WORST of ALL.

The stomach cramp scream.

He is in pain and very, very, very unhappy.

There is NOTHING you can do.

You cannot feed it away. You cannot chnage his diaper. You must wait it out. And it can take ALL afternoon. Like, for instance, THIS afternoon. Which is why i have the inspiration to write this post.

Hell. This one is hell.

It transforms this:

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into

this:

Just shoot yourself.

It is why they make stuff like this:

Oh you think it’s funny now, but just you wait.

December 23, 2008

Mom meets Baby

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 4:27 am

Obviously it’s very nice to have my mother here to spend a week with her grandson.

And after several days of rain and cold (and extreme fatigue on my part) it was clear today and i was able to take her downtown (and out of the apt and neighborhood) which she thoroughly welcomed and enjoyed.

But an aspect that i find particularly rewarding that i hadn’t thought of beforehand was the note comparison. Not just with someone who’s raised a baby of their own, but with someone who raised YOU as a baby.

I now know what my little Hunger Nugget is like at a month old. It hadn’t occured to me to compare notes as to how I was like at a month old or so.

My little Hunger Nugget: Hungers. Eats with great zest.

Me at that age: Ate much more slowly. Took my time. My mom said it was during this period that she got addicted to soaps since i took so long to make it through a bottle. (Boy did THIS aspect of me change later in life.)

Apparently i was more mellow. He’s a bit more zesty in not only communicating his desires, but damn, that boy goes at that Titty/bottle like them’s Buffalo Chicken wings on 10 cents night. (Mmmmmm. Buffalo chicken wings… MMMMmm. Damn, move over kid, that titty got any spice?)

Me: Adorable.

Him: So totally adorable.

As we can see there are similarities too.

That’s all. Not that many notes to compare as of yet. I might ask for more examples tomorrow. At the moment said Hunger Nugget is in fact making sounds of… you guessed it, hunger.

My Master awaits.

Yes Master, your Bitch is on his way.

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December 22, 2008

Your Daily Dose Of Schadenfreude

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 2:57 am

Yay Daddy!

Me baby. Me like Daddy!

Mm. It afternoon. Me tired. me sleep.

Sleepy sleepy.

Sleep.

What it only 8 pm now? Wake me and i cry and scream. Me sleep more.

Mmmm. Sleepy sleepy. Sleep.

It midnight now? Mommy! Feed me! Yes, feed baby then go to bed.

Oooooooooooooo. Titty. Mommy Titty. Me love.

Arrrrr. Arrrrrrrrr. Aaaaarrrrrraaarrrararaggghhhhharrrrrrrrraarrrrrrraaararrrrrrararraarrarrrrrrr.

Mmmmm.

What time it now?

1AM?

Perfect. Now me plan comes to fruition.

HI DADDY!

ME AWAKE NOW!!!!!

WHEEEEEEE. WWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!

LOOK, IT BABY ON META-AMPHETIMINES!!!

ME WANT MORE DADDY!!!!!

MORE DADDY!

What time it now? 3AM? Ooooh, me so not finished….

YAY DADDY!

ME LOVE DADDY TIME!!!MORE DADDY!!!!

Uh oh, Daddy put me down and try to collpase. Bad idea, Daddy…

WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA….

Yay Daddy!

Me want more Daddy sing time!

Me want Daddy dance with baby!

Yay!

Whee!

What time it now? 4:30? Okay. tell you what. I go sleep for an hour. I gots to rest up. At 5:30 is Mommy time!!!

-Love,

Baby.

December 21, 2008

Dribble Drabble Bibble Babble

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 12:59 am

1. Hi.

2. My mom is in town! she’s gotten to meet her grandson and take care of him while Maja and i sleep and/or work. (yes i fortunately STILL work from home. Yes it’s so super awesome.)

3. I know she’s thrilled to see her grandson (and probably her son also). I somehow don’t think she’s quite blown away by the diamond in the rough that is Beograd.

4. Baby carriers RULE.

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5. When you look down on him from above, he looks really different. It maybe a clue as to how he would look as a boy, but i don’t know.

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6. Babies are weird.

7. As of yesterday he is officially one month old. We now feel battle hardened. We’ve acclimated to a large extant to the insane schedule. Well, me mroe than Maja who ahs to feed the little hunger machine every 3 hours. Except now we’ve taken to me doing a middle of the night solo fedding to allow her to sleep for 6 uninterrupted hours. This actually works REALLY well for her.

8. He has grown and has changed. No doubt.

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9. Sometimes i could absolutely die how cute he is.

10. Other times i could eat him like a cannibal. Just literally munch him and chew him.

11. He has started to not always scream when we change his diaper. We start to get the first inclings of actual smiles. Usually after he’s eaten.

12. We took him out for a walk by the river. Fuck the 40 day … uh…. incapa…. oh what do you call it…. damn the word has totally escaped me…. please note that while battle hardened i am still not right in the head. Or should i sya even LESS right in the head than i was previously.

13. What is the damn WORD?

14. 40 day…. the 40 day… anyway the whole thing where we have to keep him inside for 40 days. Fuck it.

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15. He slept right through it. But the fresh air had to do him good.

16. Now that the shock and awe part of the campaign has settled, the bliss part is starting to creep in more and more. It’s getting easier to deal with his crying, i.e. i just don’t care as much. “Yeah yeah yeah, i know. You’re hungry and i torture you with starvation. The Titty is coming kid. Chill.”

17. We each have our respective parent strengths at this juncture. maja is really good at engagin him and playing with him in a way that i just don;t know what to do with him sometimes. I on the otehr hand am the undisputed master of calming him. Seriously, when Maja has tried, when her mom has tried, when my mom has tried and they just can’t make him stop crying, give him to me. Takes me all of 10 seconds.

18. The trick: very loud swing be-bop scatting. Or a loud Bippity-Boppity-Boo. Anything loud and fast. The loudness distracts him from his own inner turmoil, the moving spatter of notes engages him, and soon he closes his eyes and listen until he falls asleep.

19. For that matter, while i love to play 70s soft rock kind of stuff and dance quietly with him (new agey stuff i.e. George Winston or Midori for when he’s laying in his carrier trying to sleep) he’s awesome to funk/rock out with. if it’s got a beat and i bounce to it, he loves it. Parliament, Phish (97 or 99 eras), funk, rock, gotta have that beat and he’s happy. Helps if it has words at the beginning for me to sing to him. For some reason me singing at first works better than just starting off bouncing.

20. Life is good.

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21. Quarantine!!! The word is bloody quarantine!!!

December 20, 2008

Super Awesome Mini Songs

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 2:39 am
Tags: , ,

Okay, i’m almost done with my blog recuperation and will write some more stuff about more stuff.

And i quote: “Dude update your blog. We’re all jonesing for more baby pics and descriptions of you suffering.”

Yes. I see how things are.

In any case, while i get ready for another round with the blog i’d love to post these COMPLETELY AWESOME (awesome when blogging to describe something i like, is by far my favorite word in the world. I’m not sure why. It denotes a youthful excitement over some piece of pop culture candy which is how ebst to enjoy most stuff i post i guess. Awesome means fun. Words like spectacular and jaw dropping would be best for serious stuff.

In any case, some wonderful mini songs (they’re all like a minute something each) from Flight Of The Concord which are in fact, completely awesome. (Maja, if reading this, look down to your left. There are the headphone. Put them on to hear. Do not worry. The baby will not choke to death on his own screams in the minute or so it will take you to0 listen to any of these.

(nice Umbrellas Of Cerbourg references in that first one…)

December 12, 2008

The Physics Of Sleep

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 4:55 pm

Okay, this will probably be the last post dealing with the sleep issue, since i know you all get it.

However, a friend of mine asked in earnest what’s up with the whole new parents/sleep thing and why it’s so difficult if the baby sleeps a large portion of the day. (Although a little note: Adam is definitely sleeping a bit less, and noticeable more Present. He has begun proper smiling and is just beginning to display a wider range of emotions and new facial expressions which delights Dadi here to no end. he even has his variation on the famous “Nathan Wonder Mouth”)

Certainly with Maja better, i’m getting some decent sleep again and my mood is giddy again these days. I’ve adjusted to the baby and am back to bliss.

Here’s the thing with sleep. For all y’all who think you might one day have a little Angel-Puff of your own.

Your newborn feeds every2 and a half to 3 hours. Let’s just say 3.

Every 3 hours.

Every.

3.

Morning, noon, night, every 3. During the night sometimes it can go to 4 hours between meals, and sometimes, during the day it’s every 2, or even every hour if he doesn’t really fill up. Maybe your titties aren’t really gushing milk and maybe he’s not pulling it out well enough.

24 hours a day, 7 days a wekk, you are feeding him every 3 hours.

But wait,  the math gets even tougher.

It’s actually 3 three hours from the beginning of one feeding until the beGINNING of the next. If he started at 6:30, he’ll want again at 9:30.

So, it’s 3am. Baby wakes. He is HUNGRY. He is crying and if you don’t take care of him fast crying will turn to screaming fits.

We change his diaper usually before his feeding. So, first we change his diaper, which he views as nothing less then waterboarding level torture. Despite that i change his diaper 8 times a day, you’d think he’d get used to it, but no. As far as he’s concerned it’s electrodes on his nipples. (which, interestingly enough, is how Maja views feeding him sometimes)

So. 3am. Baby hungry. You get up. You change him. Maja gets her breast ready. This includes massaging them and using some hot, wet clothes on them to get the milk flowing. After changing we take a few minutes to calm the baby down.

Now comes the feeding.

Sometimes he latches right onto the Titty and starts hoovering away. But sometimes it’s not so easy. Sometimes he just doesn’t put in the necessary force to get the milk out.

Using the bottle and formula to supplement can be tricky. This is because sucking from a bottle requires almost zero effort. So when he goes back to the nipple, he doesn’t want to work for it. It can take 15 minutes to a half hours of incredible frustration on both his and Maja’s part until he starts really getting the warm white goodness out. In his frustration he may bite Maja’s nipple which creates an insanely bad situation, since now we have a breast down and he’ll never fill up on just one anymore.

But let’s say it was fairly easy. So he’s sucking away. He’ll do this for just under an hour if it’s going smoothly. Takes time to empty them silos.

He finishes. If everything has gone REALLY REALLY smoothly you’re at a little over an hour. It can go from there to an hour and a half, easily. Don’t ask me how, it just does sometimes.

So now he’s fed. Great. If the baby fairies are smiling upon you, they’ll just knock him out and you can put him in his little sleep space and go back to bed.

But the baby fairies are fickle fairies who like to have fun with new parents. While the baby will fall fast asleep while slurping the last dregs of the Titty keg, most of the time as soon as you take him off he’ll wake up. And he  won’t want to be left by himself.

So now, in order to get back to sleep, you need to put him to sleep. Rocking him in your arms works really well. But once again, as soon as you put him down the fairies sprinkle crystal meth all over his little baby head and UP he goes.

You can sing. For a half hour at a time while cuddling him, or petting him or whatever.

Finally he is asleep. Can take 20 minutes to a half hour if it’s a time of day he’s actually interested in sleeping.

So, all this has taken between and hour and a half to 2 hours. But he feeds every 3 hours.

You see the insidiousness?

THIS is why you, blissful new parent, will never, ever sleep.

Oh sure, you’ll push the 3 hour thing. After feeding he might wait 2 hours before being hungry. If it’s the middle of the night he might wait 3 (HalleLUJAH! You will offer the baby fairies sordid and degrading forms of tribulation for this) but maybe not.

This is why we shift it out. Maja has the mornings. I have the afternoons and late nights. After his 2 to 3am feeding i sleep. Maja can sleep during the afternoon and nights all she wants, except for that tricky little thing about being woken up every 3 hours on the nose to feed. Which is why the occasionally bottle saves her life. Although the next feeding after the bottle will be difficult for him so she’ll pay for it one way or the other.

There you have it. The math. 1 + 1 = you will never ever really truly sleep. Especially if you’re the mother. And when you wake up after 2 hours to feed him, sometimes he will ravage your nipples like BabyZilla, but i believe we covered that one.

So good luck all you new parents to be! As soon as he’s old enough to sleep through the night, i will buy a swimming pool, fill it with beer, and slowly sink to the bottom where i will sleep until he’s diaper trained.

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December 11, 2008

A small stupid laugh

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 2:16 am

This really cracked me up:

Maja is better. This is SO much easier with 2 peopl. I even got 7 uninterrupted hours of sleep! It was heavenly.

December 9, 2008

Insanity

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 3:54 am

So.

Maja is sick. Raging fever. Started Friday. On Sunday she was getting better, but then this evening it hit again. She’s going to the doctor tomorrow.

This has left me to take care of her and the baby. Her mother has been coming over in the mornings to help out, and this when i’ve been getting my major sleeping in.

Maja has continued to breastfeed while sick, as surprisingly this is medically recommended. The idea is that viruses are airborn and not passed on through breastmilk. What IS passed on through breastmilk is the antibodies she’s been developing to fight off the sickness, which the baby needs to fight off the sickness too. The baby is not sick, thank GD, as this  could potentially drain me of the last of my sanity.

Folks, caring for a newborn is TOUGH. It’s a round the clock job, and a newborn doesn’t yet have the mental facilities to do all that cute baby stuff like smiling and laughing and cooing and squeeling with delight that one envisions.

The baby would smile as a reflex and only recently has started smiling a bit more regularly. He’s going through a growth spurt, and this growth spurt will result in him gaining some additional superpowers, like smiling and one day doing the whole coo, delight stuff. But we’re not there yet.

There is still a good bit of bliss, as despite the extreme demands made upon us a parents, he is phenomenally adorable, and holding him while swaying back and forth to music as he looks up and stares into my eyes is what gets me through the insane lack of sleep and endless toil that is caring for him and my wife at the same time. Maja is still struggling with breastfeeding, as it is a difficult thing to negotiate.

Obviously blog entires here have suffered, as i either don’t have the time, or simply don;t have the brainpower to say anything clever or even interesting.

I was well warned about this first month. A friend of mine here, whose wife had a particularly difficult labor, described a scene where at 4 in the morning he’s holding a screaming baby while his wife is sobbing. With Maja sick with fever, i have had the honor of experiencing this first hand, and he nailed it.

Some parents left this first month’s brutality out, and i can see why. You don’t want to shock the poor expectant parent. But now being put through the ringer, i’m actually grateful to folks like matthew and janell who, while encouraging, were also clear about some of the messy new parent woes. Knowing that this is normal is actually a comfort.

Eventually things will change, the baby will grow, we’ll get better at this. For now, i cannot see beyond going day to day. Someone recently pointed out that everything gets a lot better after the 6 month mark. This is like handing a suicidal wreck a razor blade. (metaphor alert. I’m fine and not in the least suicidal. I do love my little boy and it’s really not all bad) But 6 months is simply an impossible length of time to envision at this point.

Adam has begun being awake a lot more of the day, which is nice, as now he is awake without being fussy, and more likely to just be checking stuff out. He requires a lot of attention and particularly enjoys being held, which is great. He can’t return love yet, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t need lots of it.

If only he could just… learn to accept that diaper changing is part of his day and stop hating it so much. Still, i change his diaper right before feeding, so there is a garaunteed calm down coming after it.

I have gotten quite good at calming him. Being held and swaying back and forth to  music really works. We do this to The Carpenters’ Greatest Hits quite often. Sometimes Beatles, but i can even throw on funk or anything without aggressive guitars. If it has a beat he can be swayed to, he likes it.

Speaking of which, someone is getting a little fussy over there. I guess sleep time is ending. (it’s 3AM. he often is hungry about now.)

See you all on the other side.

December 6, 2008

Babyzilla: Ravager Of Nipples

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 1:32 am

Girls, those of you thinking about having a little bundle of joy and picturing the beauty of breastfeeding, there are some details they never told us boys leading up to this.

First, breastfeeding is an amazing bonding experience between mother and child, and i’ve mentioned before, nothing can come before the baby’s devotion to The Great Titty.

However, what i DIDN’T know is that to a mother, the baby is many times like a little fanged vampire piranha coming to shred your nipples.

While the baby does not (thank heavens for my wife) have teeth, you’d be surprised what a famished dedicated muncher can do when he goes at your nipples like a  bag of fast food after a night out drinking.

There is pain involved. A bunch.

We supplement with the bottle on occasion. We really would rather go straight breast, and the breasts need to be sucked dry as often as possible to continue to increase milk supply (because the baby’s appetite increases over time, not the other way around), but psychologically maja simply needs a break every now and then. It can get hard sometimes.

A metaphor we use late at night when we’re half delirious that puts us into fits of giggles, is if instead of breasts, i was able to milk the baby with my testicles, and 7 times a day here he’d come, my little ball munching piranha, to put them through their ball crunching paces every 3 hours. I’d cry like a little newborn baby myself.

Who knew? I just pictured this tender motherly breastfeeding bliss, bathed in soft light, a gentle smile on her face, look of absolute rapture on his, much like the one that would be on mine if  i could only know the joy…

And certainly, this picture is true, and many times to some extant happens. But there’s also the pained grimace that begins most breastfeeding, the occasionally cry of agony, the clenched teeth as he goes at it a bit too ferociously, clearly having overheard the golf ball/garden hose metaphor and misunderstanding it doesn’t pertain to him or this particular situation.

Once he calms down it all goes well, and it’s not as unbearable or horrific as say, well, if he were actually munching my balls with the same zest in order to eat (is this metaphor really deranged? i mean, i know it’s a bit twisted, but at 4:30 am, trust me, we giggle to the point of tears).

I just never knew. Who knew?

So this is your heads up. Girls, enjoy the soft sensuality of those breasts now, before the most beautiful, adorable, most precious piranha you’ll ever meet comes along to rip them to shreds.

December 4, 2008

Black Dynamite

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 11:56 pm
Tags:

I will be shocked if i see anything more awesome than this for the entire rest of the week:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Prop 8 The Musical

Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 11:35 pm
Tags: , ,

Just for my non american friends: in california gay marriage is legal. Durint he election, while the country was lining up for Obama, conservatives in California rallied and passed Proposition 8, a proposition which would ban them once again. It never f**** ends.

So here, without further ado, is Prop 8, The Musical:

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