The Bodacious Belgrade Blog

December 25, 2008


Filed under: Uncategorized — bunitingi @ 10:36 pm

How often do you listen to the soind of another human being scream?

I don’t mean some horror movie, with  a contrived premise and carefully faked dramatic performance. No, i mean really just spent time listening to someone really just scream bloody murder.

Yes, this is my life now. I listen to screaming all the time. There are 3 types.

1. IT hungers.

This is the screams that transforms this:


into this:

This is for the most part solvable. Stick him on the Titty. Unless Maja eneds more time to build milk and we don;t want to use the bottle because it will destroy her milk production. Basically breastfeeding is a major pain in the ass. but even MORE so is the sounds of screaming filling your morning/afternoon/evening/nighttime/sleep.

2. Poop.

The I poop in my pants and now it no feel so good and i no like it scream.

This is not always easy to identify until the whiff really hits you. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in his daiper to check and it comes out with a little yellowish gooey surprise. However, this is an easy scream to take care of.

It transforms this:


into this:

3. This is the WORST of ALL.

The stomach cramp scream.

He is in pain and very, very, very unhappy.

There is NOTHING you can do.

You cannot feed it away. You cannot chnage his diaper. You must wait it out. And it can take ALL afternoon. Like, for instance, THIS afternoon. Which is why i have the inspiration to write this post.

Hell. This one is hell.

It transforms this:




Just shoot yourself.

It is why they make stuff like this:

Oh you think it’s funny now, but just you wait.



  1. Oh, it’s funny. To me, at least. The schaden of the freude, it hurts.

    However, there are other sorts of screams which you have not yet experienced. They come in many varieties:

    1. IT’S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    2. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    3. I NOT GO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    These seem as if they might be one-note protests, but 3-year-olds are like Sean Penn in an Oscar attempt. They throw absolutely everything they can into their performance because not only do you have a difference of opinion, but apparently someone is pulling out their spleen through their ear canal with a rusty iron hook. The thing you’re doing to them is THE WORST THING THAT ANYONE HAS EVER DONE TO ANYONE EVER, and if Mengele himself saw the way you were treating your child, he would convene a human rights commission on the spot.

    I wonder if the best actors are simply those who are able to channel the raw fury and sensitivity of a 3-year-old. It simply doesn’t get more dramatic than this.

    Comment by matthew — December 26, 2008 @ 2:03 am | Reply

  2. Actually, I beg to differ; 3 year old screams don’t last the way newborns do. I don’t know why; you’d think 3 year olds would be stronger. But no.

    Now, 3 year olds ARE better at rolling around, biting you and throwing toys across the room. So there’s that.

    Nathan never minded the diaper change the way Adam does, and he was a whiny/grunty type much more than a screamy one, unless the dr. gave him a shot or something. But you would be amazed that, even though it sounds better, whining-grunting newborns deprive you of sleep just as efficiently as screaming ones. Your resulting insanity does not differ at all either way.

    Comment by emjaybee — December 26, 2008 @ 4:12 am | Reply

    • Fortunately, Adam has miraculously gotten over his diaper change issues, unless he wakes up wanting fed and we change him first. But then whatEVER we do first will provoke a screaming fit. No, he’s finally gotten used to the diaper change. But Lord, that boy has still got a set of lungs on him.

      In the middle of the night, in order to keep Maja awake, he does not have to do anything other than make any noise at all. If his nose is clogged especially. I have slept on the couch with the baby on more than a few nights in order for her to sleep some extra time because when i bring him in after his middle of the night feeding, the slightest noises he makes wake her up, poor thing. Being a Mama’s not easy.

      As far as i’m concerned he needs to be making choking noises before i’ll get out of bed. Although it must be said that i go the opposite direction. I have gotten up and gone over to him on several occasions when he hasn’t made ANY noises, just to make sure he’s actually still breathing.

      Babies. They come with the crazy and give it to you as a gift. Or maybe the crazy that’s already there loves to come out and play with them.

      Comment by bunitingi — December 27, 2008 @ 2:13 am | Reply

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