We were at the weekend house. We had just come back from an afternoon trip to some nice park and were loading him out of the car. His little buckle that straps him in his little car seat had been undone. I picked up the seat with him in it and proceeded to climb down these rocky conrete things. The seat tipped forward (which never used to happen because he always fit so snugly in it) and DOWN he WENT, face first onto the GRAVEL.
He was sleeping. Or had been at least…
Screams. Maja’s mom was right there and she scooped him up. We took him inside and maja and her mother fussed over him and cleaned his wound in the bedroom while i sat in the room outside listening to his cries. Every cry he made a tear fell down my face.
I hated myself. At that moment, had he not in fact needed a father, i would gladly have committed hari kari. You think i’m joking, but no, i really would have sliced my own stomach with a sharpened samurai sword. Hell, a samurai sword would have been too cool for the likes of me. A rusty tin can. Would have been a bit more difficult, but i would have persevered so that in my sacrifice i could spare him further harm from his dipshit father.
The WORST moment… So maja and her mom have cleaned and bandaged the wound and he’s STILL crying bloody murder. So i pull myself together (i was a wreck…), went in there, picked him up and started singing to him.
He immediately stopped crying and nuzzled into my arm. I kept singing and 10 minutes later he was asleep.
That was the worst moment. I thought i would REALLY lose it. After i totally **** up and cause him the greatest pain and scare he’s yet known in his short life, and directly afterwards he just goes right on trusting me implicitly and feeling safe in my arms.
I would have gone right for that rusty tin can expect in my moment of painful death i would have invariably dropped the baby aGAIN, so, in the words of Dorothy Parker: I might as well live.
See! Look! He smiles even in the hands of his tormentor: